Ok so whatever whatever, I stood in a line for four goddamn hours and met some nice people in line and got some reading done, but you don’t care about that. The studio is teeny and the warm-up comic is pretty good, but you don’t care about that either. So here’s what you care about.
For one thing, the man is fucking beautiful. And he’s just this dynamo of pure joy - he comes out running around the set, and he dances, and there is never a moment he isn’t giving 100% or looking like he’s anything other than LOVING what he gets to do. I haven’t seen many things quite like it; it’s so sincere. It’s amazing. I think we all want that, you know? Anyway, before the taping started, he took some questions out of character, “so you can humanize me before I have to say all these terrible things”. There were some pretty cool questions; my favorite was from a girl who’d read something in the Times this morning about a coral reef sperm bank, to which he answered, “I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about, but I can only assume it means that someone out there is fucking a coral reef. There is no amount of KY that could make that pleasurable”.
After the questions were over (for then! HA HA! STAY TUNED!), the taping began! It takes about 0.5 seconds for Real Stephen to morph into the character, which is also amazing. Like, all of a sudden, this dancing thing that’s singing along to the rock songs that get pumped into the room while the makeup girls finish him up becomes this other thing that’s been on my TV since I was in 10th grade. It’s kind of surreal, but at no point did being there seem anything other than completely normal, which itself was pretty surreal. There weren’t a lot of character breaks or fuckups, so if you watch the show tonight (or tomorrow, whatever) you’ll see just about all I saw. They did have to retake the top of the show and a little section during the Colorado segment - sidebar about that: when they went back to redo it, he said something about how “I really hope you’re all ok with this…just so you know, we’re not saying anything about the situation itself, but how the media jumped all over it. I hope that’s fine with you”, which was super endearing - but nothing that’ll get cut out is any big shakes. You may or may not be able to see me in the audience shots, but if you are familiar with the loud, gaspy monster that is my laugh, the odds are pretty good you’ll be able to make it out. In case seeing if you can find me is something you’re into, I’m short, I have big red hair, and I was wearing a teal shirt with a brown skirt. Happy searching!
I’m not sure if my interwebs subtleness was on or not, but as you might have picked up, there was time for another question after the taping. I’d heard that this was standard, so I was ready. I shot my hand right the fuck up and goddamn NO ONE was taking that question away from me. Sure enough, they didn’t! So here comes the fun part. He picked me out, and I greeted him with my standard enthusiastic hello, which put this huge smile on his face that let me know he was out of the character. After he said hi back, the rest went something like this:
P: OK, I’m sure you’ve probably heard like 50 variations on this question, but if you could be any race of character from Dungeons and Dragons, what would it be?
C: When I was 17, I got a girlfriend. After that, I stopped playing. So it’s been 35 years, and to be honest with you, I really don’t remember much. BUT (at this point, he rattles off a bunch of characters and why he wouldn’t want to be them. I don’t remember any of this.) I think I’d be a thief. A half-elf thief. Is that a good enough answer?
P: Sure! See, I was sort of the same; I stopped caring when I found out what booze was.
C: Oh! Booze for you, boobs for me.
And then he left! It was beyond cool, but again, pretty normal. As it is, I don’t get mushmouth-y starstruck, but what’s awesome about him is that he keeps this really intense eye contact with you at all times. You are what is important. And usually eye contact makes me fluttery if nothing else, but since his entire show is delivered into the camera, it’s a face and and eyes I’ve seen for years. Not that it wasn’t super fucking amazing, of course; I don’t really believe it happened. And Jesus he’s so nice. What a perfect human.
I’ll probably come back and edit this tomorrow, but for now, I’m plum tuckered out. Excitement (and dehydration) will do such things to a lass. TTFN BITCHEZ